My experiences post total pancreatectomy.

What Brings me Down, Diabetes-wise, Blog Week 2014

on May 15, 2014

Sorry for all of the posts today, but I want to catch up in my blog week posts.

Today’s post concerns our emotional health and what brings us down regarding diabetes. This is an easy answer for me…Bad blood glucose (BG) readings!! I know I shouldn’t assign emotional value to my BG readings, but I do. I really try to get what I call “My Daily Guessing Game” right. Remember, I’m new at this. I’ve only been dealing with type one diabetes (T1D) since February 2013, so only 15 months, so I see out of range numbers as a reflection on me. What did I do that it’s so high?low?? is a frequent, unrelenting question in my mind. And, I’m finding it hard to believe that I can eat the same things from day to day, count my carbs amazingly accurate (Calorie King is my frequent companion!! I even have the app on my phone) but my numbers can vary wildly!! WTH!!!!

Can you veterans of diabetes of any type, tell me if this goes away with experience?? I also find that I’m embarrassed by my food logs and my carbaholic ways when I have an endo/CDE apt (as I do Friday and I’m freaking out that she’s gonna think I’m a bad diabetic.

And to top all this self diabetes loathing that I can’t get my numbers right or curb my carbs, I’m an RN!! I should know better!! But in my defense, I went to nursing school in the mid-80’s and we were taught that all you had to do was follow a “diabetic diet, take your insulin and exercise and your numbers would fall into place”. WHAT!!!! Boy, have I learned that’s not the case!!! I even took a recent RN refresher course & the diabetes management thinking from a practitioners point of view puts all the responsibility on the PWD to maintain good control, whatever that is, and if the A1c or daily BG numbers are out of whack, then the patient is being “noncompliant”. Until I developed T1D, I believed this crap and I apologize to anyone I judged because of this false belief.

I’m trying to make changes in how I look at my BG numbers. I test an average of ten times a day, so I’m getting LOTS of practice, and my family and I now refer to my BG times as “checks” instead of “tests”, so there’s no concept of failing in the topic. Hubby is making a HUGE attempt at not reacting to a very high number. As in the implied, “What did you do?” And so is my adult son. I so appreciate their support in this new endeavor. They have been an amazing support to me in general as I learn to manage this “Daily Guessing Game” and I truly appreciate that support. Maybe someday, I won’t be so hard on myself when I get these CRAZY numbers that are so common even without a reasonable, theorized cause.

How do you consider your BG Checks?? Remember, Check, Don’t Guess!!


8 responses to “What Brings me Down, Diabetes-wise, Blog Week 2014

  1. Kim says:

    I think you’re doing great.

    28 years with T1D, here. I think it just takes some time – it’s always going to be frustrating to have our outcomes not reflect our work, but it’s all part of it. So many things affect our BGs that have nothing to do with how accurate our carb count was!

    You are trying, and that’s not nothing. Keep at it.

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